Well, they don’t call him “Wacko” for nothing. Irish dinosaur and ghost of South Boston past John “Wacko” Hurley and his crew have remained steadfast in their hold out opposition to gay people marching and participating in “their” St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Indeed this has made it all the way to the Supreme Court and I don’t know if anyone has made the point that gay people are undoubtedly ALREADY marching in the parade.
Does “Wacko” have some sort of technologically advanced gay-dar? Does South Boston bring in a pack of specially trained homo-sniffing dogs? Its actually laughable to think that so much time, energy and money has been wasted trying to keep gay people out of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade when in fact that is impossible. How exactly would you keep out gay people? Let’s be clear, gay people have been marching in the parade since day one.
I’m betting that families in South Boston are like families everywhere and someone in their family lines is actually, dare I say it… gay. Oh the horror. I am willing to go out on a limb and assume that the mixture of green and pink is more common than “Wacko” may want to admit. I think gay activists should go to the parade by the hundreds, dressed “normally” and then all of a sudden in the middle of the parade strip down to rainbow colored unitards and break out with a wonderfully choreographed flash mob rendition of “YMCA” or “It’s Raining Men.” Maybe we could use the parade to unveil the discovery of a new mythological creature: The Lesbichaun.
What good ole’ boy “Wacko” really means to say is: “I knows there is no way to keep you’s gay people out, but for chrissakes don’t come to the parade all full-blown gay on us. Keep your gay stuff to yourself. No 7ft tall guy in heels with a rainbow feather boa on roller skates wearing a speedo. No signage of any kind indicating your sexual perversi… I er uh mean preference. Just come in the normal attire… something real southie-dot-townie and green, maybe an old #33 Bird Celtics jersey. Please for the love of the baby Jesus no outward displays of gayness, after all this is a family event.” Yeah a family event where you and your family can play dodge the vomit landmine and hide and seek with the belligerent drunk guy.
The St. Patrick’s Day Parade, to me, is a throwback to a time better forgotten in Boston that has a very volatile racial history. It is a day of decadence, when public drinking mixes with some of the most bone headed, close minded, archaic thinking, chest thumping individuals in the city. I wish that the real hard core old school throwback South Boston gang could say what they really feel and put up huge signs reading: St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Gays, Spooks, Spics, Gooks, Commies and Towel Heads… not welcome.
I look forward to the day when John “Wacko” Hurley gets to be reunited with his dear old friends Jim Kelly and Dapper O’Neill.
Hopefully a meteor of modern thought will come and wipe out the last of the dinosaurs.
John “Wacko” Hurley gets the distink honor of being bestowed with the Archie Bunker Award!